[Emma:]
Like I said, you could buy the 22-bedroom pub in my hometown for around
$95K Aus and set it up as a geek commune...

[MegaMole:]
Geek commune?

*boggle* They're going to *breed*!

What sort of geeks, anyway? Do we have to have our M$ infection levels scanned on entry? Are we limited to geeking computers, or can we afpishly geek *anything* we want to?

And $Aus 95K is *not* a lot of money. About the same as I bought my current 1-bedroom, poky little flat for. Those (Joy, Peter, Gideon, Mel et al) who have been inside it will certify that any cat swung inside those walls would be severely stunned.

Anyone else want to take a stake in the pub? We'd need a landlord - Gid's done that before, I think...
Oh, and another thing.

What type of inn sign would we hang outside the door? A hedgehog couchant and penguin rampant bearing a shield azure, with three CDs rank sinister houlant?

[Melody:]
Melody offers her services as a buxom serving wench (spent a couple of years barmaiding in the80s ...I can even pour Real Ale and Guinness properly!

[Andy Brown wrote:]
> Well, it's been a good week for the government here in yukia, what with
> one or another, so I'm starting to think it may be time to make like a
> rat, and jump ship before the whole bloody island sinks (and while the
> borders are still open).

[Eric Jarvis:]
nope...time to stand up and make the country change...seems like a hell
of a lot of us feel that way...maybe if we make enough noise we might
get heard...if not there is always the option of armed revolution[1]

[1] in which case I bags executing Alistair Campbell and Phil Murphy [2]
[2] Labour Party press officers

[Kincaid:]
You could probably solve all the funding problems by selling raffle tickets for the honour...

TTFN, Kincaid "bring back Charlie 'bollocks' Wheelan"

[Andrew Nevill:]
Don't you bloody dare start an armed revolution. For one thing it'll
invalidate the repayment protection plan on my bank loan.

The consequences could be terrible
I might become unemployed, and can't pay the loan
But the insurance won't pay it in my stead
So I have to sell my computer to make the next repayment
So I can't read and post on afp
As a result of afp deprivation, I turn totally psychotic and viciously
murder the persons responsible for said revolution.

[Eric Jarvis:]
consequences too horrible to contemplate...understood...can you let us
know when the loan is paid off...we'll postpone the insurrection until then :)

Things To Say/Do In An Acceptance Speech

- "I'd like to thank everyone else in the catergory for being even worse than me."

-"I'd like to thank Satan, because He's had much more of an affect on my music than God ever did."

-Say to the person presenting the award, in a drunken slur, "You're my best mate, you are", then colllapse.

-Say to the person presenting the award, in a drunken slur, "Nice tits", irrespective of whether they're male or female. Then colllapse.

-Attempt to collect someone elses award, especially if you are in no way eligible for that catergory - "What, you mean I'm not Britney Spears?"

-If presenting the award, hold on to it, saying things like "Mine. My Brit award. Mine."

-When your name is called out, do nothing. If someone says Ian, you've won, say (in a drunken slur) "Nah, I'm Britney Spears"

-When your name is called out, say "My leg hurts. Can you bring it up here, please."

-If you win two awards, stay at your table and shout out, in a drunken slur, "Its alright, I've already got one"

-If you win as part of a group of people attempt to steal the award of whoever it is presented to.

-Run onto stage and steal a random award. See for close to the door you can get.

-Collect the award while skipping.

-"You know, that looks just like my uncle Oscar." If the award actually is an Oscar, add "Because he was bald with no genitals, and always carried a sword."

-Accept the award, then drop it. Scratch your hands, say something about none precious metals, then collapse.

-"I'd like to thank my music teacher from year nine. If she hadn't said I'd never be able to lay the guitar, I wouldn't have tried so hard to prove me wrong."

-"I'd like to thank everyone who's work we copied."

-"This award means nothing, as it is awarded by an industry that is corrupt, self serving and that wouldn't know genuine talent if it dance naked in front of it screaming 'I am genuine talent'. Thanks anyway."

-"This award means nothing as it is voted for by the general public, who have the musical taste of a wet teabag. Thanks anyway."

-"This award is nothing compared to the power of the force."

-"I'm not taking an award staue from you. You're ugly."

-Take the microphone from the podium, instead of the actual award.

-If presenting the award, say "The winner is..." whoever, and then throw it as hard as you can at them.

-"Hey, I thought the Oscars were man shaped. This is some wierd globey golden thing."

-""I'm an atheist, so I'd like to thank the random fluctuations in the space time continium."

-"I'd like to thank everyone who bought our records. The rest of you can fry in hell."

-"Can you do this in purple?"

-Accept the award normally, then get lost on the way back to your table.

-Accept the award from an imaginary third person.

-"Gee, I should be able to get a few bob for this!"

-Hit the person presenting the award, and shout "Don't do it again".

Thats all, folks. Doubtless, some people will be able to add more. Feel free.

[David Ferguson:]
ISTR John Cleese accepting an award for something or other in the shape of a large crystal/glass bowl type object.
He gave the usual blah finishing with something along the lines of "and most especially I'd like to thank al of you, after all, this award really belongs t o you. So we'd like you all to come up here and get a piece"
Whereupon he dropped the bowl, which shattered quite impressively.

[Steve Day:]
I bought a train set "for my first child" (honest, guv) before I even knew he was going to be a he.
Never let sex get in the way of good toys, I reckon.

[Nicholas Wolverson]
Or indeed the other way round ;).

[Dave Dylan:]
> > and their infuriating tendency to only
> > ring those bells on their bycicles _after_ they've ran you over on
> > these contraptions not unlike actual bycicles if not for the general
> > impression that they weren't so much manufactured as grown out of
> > a canal....

[Martin Wisse:]
> That's because we're part of a massive social experiment to teach
> foreigners _not_ to walk on a bicycle path.

[Jens Ayton:]
We have an experiment just like that. It doesn't work here, either.

[Marina:]
Kevin Hackett wrote:
> If it does happen, I'm going to have to make a sign. I missed seeing FAR
> too many people.

How about name tags?

I don't have a fancy tag making machine, but if Elton can supply me with the list of registered attendees (I'm assuming that tickets will be bought ahead of time for this event) I can get those plastic things with the safety pins (or clips) on the back and print out a bunch of name tags. And distribute them on the Saturday morning, if that's acceptable (Friday late evening at he earliest).

Wadda ya reckon?

[when asked "are you sure? that's going to be an awful lot of work"]

Well, about half the attendees won't buy their tickets till after I've
left for the event, and the names of one half of the other half will
probably be lost or forgotten. At best, I'm looking at a quarter of your
job. *g*

Yes, I'm sure, yes, I know it's going to be a pain in the neck, yes,
everybody and their mother are going to end up being pulled in and put
to slave labour. It'll be fun. *g*

[Nattie:]
> Page 69? Somehow... apropos... no?

[Quantum Moth:]
<stern look>
Now, now, Natalie. This is a family forum.
Or it will be, when we can all set a date.

[Kimberley V:]
>>And if, like myself, most of your clothing is black, we can
>>definitely talk shared painful experience/bonding/sisterhood kind of thing.

[Karen:]
Yes - particularly unfortunate when ones colour preference in clothing
inevitably means it shares the machine with the dark school uniforms
increasing the risk.

[Kimberley Verburg:]
*Dark* school uniforms? I always knew that school uniforms were bad but
that's a colour choice guaranteed to turn out frustrated adults. How are
these poor soon-to-be adolescents supposed to rebel? Pastel pinks and
twinsets?

Dave o'brien wrote:
- On 15 Jul 2000 11:38:17 GMT, "Quantum Moth" wrote:
-- Bloody hellfire. 636 pages? Yeah, right this is for kids.

- Persn'ly, I think JKR had lots of requests from parents to 'give us
- something which keeps the kids quiet until the next one comes out'.
- And I got mine for my daughter. Yeah, that's right. Ok, ok, she's
- only 2 weeks old, I'll read it to her or something.

[Quantum Moth]
I'm really looking forward to reading the Harry Potter books to my
kids. I've got voices worked out, and everything. In fact, I've even
caught myself reading bits out loud, just to practice.

I've just got to have some kids, first.

<wanders off, muttering "any volunteers?">

###################################################################

[Quantum Moth]
-- I've just got to have some kids, first.

-- <wanders off, muttering "any volunteers?">

[Mad Dragon wrote]
- <fx: sound of thumping and cursing and then doors slamming and tyres
- screatching.. as a hoarde of parents quickly pack bags and break the
- speed limit trying to ensure they are the first to arrive at
- Quantum's house with their little mon^H^H^Hdarlings!>

- Here you go.. house trained, polite, not bad looking, both full
- shilling [1] diligent little works and they make a very good spag
- bol as well..

- (frantic whispering punctuated with.. Oh!.. really.. errr.. sorry..
- i.. well.. they are good at cleaning!.. not that i think you need a
- cleaner or owt.. errr sorry.)

- <fx: slumps back to car and takes it slowly on the way home>

- How was i to know he wanted to go through the dirty bit too? [2]

- Mad Dragon

- [1] i know i know, i have no idea where they got their brains from either!

[Quantum Moth]
There's this little shop off the high street...

- [2] <slap> i meant the nappy stage!

[Quantum Moth]
Actually, I'm terrible with kids. I treat them like adults,
which sounds good, but leads to much exasperation on my part
of the "Look, it's just the hypothetical mechanics and physics
of quantum neutrino particles[A]! Keep up, will you?" variety.

And then I sulk when they just want to play Cowboys and Indians[B].

And I've already been through the dirty stage[D].

[A]Or some other vaguely plausible-sounding clever stuff. Um. Wrong 'froup to improvise that sort of thing on.
[B]Because I'm invariably the Indians[C], and therefore don't get to be in the fort made of sofa cushions, that's why.
[C]Original Americans, Native Americans, I don't bloody know.
[D]I was in nappies for some time as a baby.