Little bits fished out of old Readers Digests' :

'My grandson has a pet rabbit named "Wabbit". One day he came home and found that Wabbit
had injured a front foot and couldn't walk, so he was rushed to the vet's.
After examining Wabbit, the vet returned him to the reception desk. Entered on his medical chart
was the diagnosis:
"Wabbit Gilbert. Wist not bwoken, onwy spwained. Spwint not necessawwy"

'While I was pedalling purposefully on my exercise bike, my husband poked his head round the door.
"Would you like a cup of coffee," he asked, "or shall I wait till you get back?"

'A student friend received a letter from the bank giving permission to extend her overdraft.
At the bottom, it said: "May we remind you that this is a limit and not a target."

'I used to think the brain was the most fascinating part of the body. But then I
realised, Well, looks what's telling me that! ' -- Emo Philips

Having finally persuaded my husband to let me redecorate our bedroom,
I took him to a shop in Cardiff which sold floral soft furnishings, and within a
few days the wallpaper and curtains were up, matching bedding, pale apricot
ceiling and coordinate carpet installed.
When we woke up the first morning after it was finished, I asked my husband
if he liked it. "Well," he replied, "it's a bit like waking up gift-wrapped."

'Shopping for a typewriter in a department store, I found display models
with sheets of paper inviting: "take me for a test type!"
I tried several, then came to one on which an earlier shopped has typed:
"This machine is 10 pounds cheaper next door"

'Jennifer, my sister-in-law, likes eating gumdrops at the cinema. But she
doesn't like the black ones, so she holds each sweet up to the light to
check the colour before popping it into her mouth.
During a particular dark part of one film, Jennifer had been holding up a
sweet for nearly a minute when she heard a voice behind her say "it's green, eat it!" '

'One of the most expensive vehicles is the supermarket trolley.'

'Our four-year-old son came into the house to show me an earwig that was
crawling up his arm. Trying hard to conceal my squeemishness, I said casually,
"Mark, why don't you take the earwig outside? His mother will be looking for him."
I was feeling rather pleased at the way I had handled the situation when Mark came
back into the house a few minutes later with two earwigs and said excitedly,
"Look! I found the mother."